On Monday (5w6d) I got a call the my hcg was at 5664. Not good. Not good at all. I cried. I knew it was over.
I was told to come back for an ultrasound on Thursday but I knew then and there that it was over. Crying helped me get over the anxiety roller coaster ride I had been on for the last month. After a few good hard sobs I felt much better, like a big ray of light, of certainty, appeared in my cloudy sky. I would fill the next few days with hope, happiness and living in the present.
When Thursday arrived it was just as expected. No heartbeat. Our little Beenu was gone. The doctor was sympathetic and asked if I wanted the D&C today or tomorrow. I opted for tomorrow.
The D&C was totally doable. Having the laminary tent inserted was uncomfortable, but the procedure was easy peasy, much like a retrieval, which I have done 4 times, so I am versed in these mini surgeries.
So here I rest, a day after the D&C, letting the hormones sweat out of me, and letting time heal. Kisses and hugs from my little one are the best medicine today. I am so grateful for our mother's help and for the texts and calls from my friends.
All in all: A little setback, but life is still good.
Amen.
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