My father took his own life almost 9 years ago.
Growing up he seemed normal. His impulsive mania was never labeled or diagnosed by a professional. It was the 80's and 90's, therapy was still taboo.
As a result of a long history of being controlled by this man, I feel I made some bad choices. My journey was more reactive than proactive. I ran and failed to get to know, or love, myself.
I can't say I regret my life, but at times I face the reality that time flies and unless we make commitments, we float, accomplishing little. I floated for a long time.
This has all recently become clear to me leaving me with a question:
How do I offer my child the secure, safe and sane home I wish I had?
I need to write this to clearly see it, even though I know the answer.
The answer:
I make commitments. I set roots for my daughter to grow from. I put energy and time into my friendships so that she can witness the beauty of friends. I challenge myself intellectually and physically. I care for my self and my family. I act gently and patiently. I create a stable and consistent routine that includes laughter, hugs and kisses, yummy food, nature, music, study and prayer. I relax and enjoy life.
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